I was looking for statistics* about same-sex marriage opposition when I ran across this precious article posted back in June. (Warning for extreme sexism and various other acts of privilege.)

The author--Sam Schulman--goes on at length about what he objects to about same sex marriage, and what he thinks marriage really is. Bolded sections are emphasis added.

The relationship between a same-sex couple, though it involves the enviable joy of living forever with one's soulmate, loyalty, fidelity, warmth, a happy home, shopping, and parenting, is not the same as marriage between a man and a woman, though they enjoy exactly the same cozy virtues. These qualities are awfully nice, but they are emphatically not what marriage fosters, and, even when they do exist, are only a small part of why marriage evolved and what it does.

Got that? It's important. He's tackling the key issue of what is marriage, which is absolutely crucial to any non-religious discussion of and why same-sex couples can't have it. Brace yourself... 'cos he hits the same conclusion about "traditional marriage" that I got, only he thinks it's a good thing.

Marriage, whatever its particular manifestation in a particular culture or epoch, is essentially about who may and who may not have sexual access to a woman when she becomes an adult, and is also about how her adulthood--and sexual accessibility--is defined.

Marriage is not about raising children, or living together and sharing resources, or being a unit in the community. Marriage is about female sexuality--and the control thereof. In case that wasn't obvious from his earlier quotes, he makes sure you understand:

This most profound aspect of marriage--protecting and controlling the sexuality of the child-bearing sex--is its only true reason for being, and it has no equivalent in same-sex marriage.

He also points out that "A same-sex marriage fails utterly to create forbidden relationships." He seems to think they are important--nay, mandatory, because, "without social disapproval of unmarried sex--what kind of madman would seek marriage?" He then goes on to talk about the "kinship" that marriage creates:

Even in modern romantic marriages, a groom becomes the hunting or business partner of his father-in-law and a member of his clubs; a bride becomes an ally of her mother-in-law in controlling her husband. There can, of course, be warm relations between families and their children's same-sex partners, but these come about because of liking, sympathy, and the inherent kindness of many people. A wedding between same-sex lovers does not create the fact (or even the feeling) of kinship between a man and his husband's family; a woman and her wife's kin.

This kinship is important to him--he says

In a world without kinship, women will lose their hard-earned status as sexual beings with personal autonomy and physical security. Children will lose their status as nonsexual beings.

That latter seems like a bit of a red herring, and he doesn't explain it well. But it does tie into some of his other points, about marriage and illicit sexuality and the importance of at least giving lip service to the idea of virginity.

Marriage, to him, is all about men getting access to women's sexuality, and since same-sex marriage turns that concept on its head, it is wrong.And he doesn't even spend much time grumbling about the "wrongness"--he's bitching about how the inevitible failure of same-sex marriage (because marriage can't survive without illicit sexuality and forced kinship) will destroy the last vestiges of men-owning-women marriage.

Umm.

Yay?



* Stats: Specifically, I was trying to find out if the opposition splits equally along gender lines, or if more men oppose same-sex marriage than women. Any relevant research info would be welcome.

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I joined wrisomifu.

I am writing Little Brother fanfic. Because the half a dozen WIPs I already had, just weren't clicking.

When I get this done, I'm going to strangle my muse.

This is one hellishly ass-backwards way to learn Morse code.

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In the cold and dark, we mourn those who are gone from us, and cherish the memories of their lives. Among those who have died since last Samhain, these are some whose works touched my life, whose presence in this world I will miss. So it goes.

( 25 people, listed in chronological order of their deaths )

---

As I step into the new year, I remember those who've shaped my past years, and try to understand how the world will be different without their voices, their actions, their lives. May Hecate guide their souls this night as they are remembered, and release them to wherever they belong next.

So mote it be.

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I'm looking for fanfic.

I've been reading thete1's DC fic like crazy, and found some that hit hard & deep, just the kind of angst and headgames that's going to leave tracers in my mind for years, and parallels a little too closely some RL stuff going on, and also I'm surviving on 5-6 hours sleep/night right now (which is terrific for reading DC fic, usually), and... I'm feeling a bit battered and raw. In a good way, and when I'm a bit more coherent, I'll send her feedback, 'cos she needs to know (if she didn't already) that some parts were just perfect...

Except, um. Ow. (The story is "A Way So Familiar." Consider this an unfinished rec.)

So I'm looking for something... lighter. Fluff, I suppose. Except I might not be able to tolerate some types of fluff. Point me at something where the characters aren't hurting for all the possibilities they can't have.

( Details behind cut )

We're into week three of Up At 5:30 Ayem to get Kidlet #2 to school on time. I feel like I've settled in for a siege.

There's a cheese slicer next to the computer. (I did remember to put the cheese away. The crackers can wait.) Two plates to my left, with a fork on top; I assume they held dinner at some point. Dunno when; it wasn't last night or the night before. Didn't eat dinner last night, and Sunday we had pizza.

The printer still isn't connected to the spiffy new Vista computer. I am terrified that the drivers for it won't work. Also, the printer's been low on ink for, um, months, and likely needs new ink before it can print. Printer is ancient; it worked on Win95. Still haven't installed all the software I had on the old computer. Also, Vista slows down at odd times and I have to figure out what it's running, and then fret about whether I can safely close processes I don't identify. (I generally don't bother. They seem to be system processes. Mem-expensive ones.)

Cable has deteriorated badly. We need to switch. I'm leaning towards Dish Network; anyone got better things to say about DirectTV? We live in a very urban area, if that matters.

Kidlet #2 wants a "lightning spirit" costume by Friday. This, apparently, involves white, yellow, silver, and shoes that light up when you walk on them. Fortunately, she has that last part. Kidlet #1 is too old for Halloween costumes that you wear to school. She will be wearing a t-shirt with skulls on it.

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Here's a question for authors (and artists, although I almost never rec art 'cos dialup internet prevents proper appreciation for most of it)--

How annoying is it to have a fic rec'd by someone who didn't comment on it?

I'm often shy about leaving comments, esp. if feedback involves email as it does on some sites, and not sure what to say. (I'm working on this. There've been some great metafandom posts on "how to leave feedback.") It's also weird to leave feedback on older fic, although the authors certainly seem to appreciate it.

But I'm relatively comfortable telling my f'list, "Story. Here. Guh. Umm, with kink. Do not read at work. Reading on train, also problematic, although might acquire you extra seat space when people notice the sounds you're making." (And by the way, any of my f'list who's into DCU, or might consider being into DCU, or has fond memories of watching Batman & Robin cartoons, should head over to thete1 and read, um, everything. And those of you who've already done this and NOT TOLD ME ABOUT IT are in big trouble. No, you don't get off the hook just 'cos I never talk about comics.)

Um. End digression.

So, does seeing a reclist with your fic from someone you didn't know had even read it, give you a warm fuzzy feeling, or make you think, dammit, she coulda said something to me? Or cause some other reaction?

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The problem with LJ the journalsphere: We all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about one another. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Then post this in your LJ journal and find out what people don't know about you

This is also an open invitation for people who've added me, and I haven't added them back, to make random comments or ask questions which may-or-may-not be described as "think you should know about me." 'Cos I'd expect (or at least hope) that there are plenty of questions that aren't insanely invasive, that still don't fall into the "why don't I know that already?" category. (If anyone asks anything insanely invasive, I'll either ignore it or say it's too personal to answer.)

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Mondays are fun--after I get home from work.

Monday's when Rob goes shopping at CostCo for the week's groceries. And he's recently discovered that they have videos, often very cheap videos. So I often come home on Monday to a small stack of odd movies, as he slowly tries to replace our aging VCR collection with shiny discs.

This week? Delicatessen, Re-Animator, Brazil.

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Right now, for the next week or two and maybe longer but probably not, Rob is driving Kallisti to school in the mornings. To Fremont. I think I mentioned that part, right? Half-hour drive on empty roads; 45 minutes to an hour and 15 during rush hour traffic, which is when school starts.

So. Rob leaves the house at about 7:15. Phoenix leaves for school a few minutes later. I don't have to leave for work until 8:30, and I can push that a bit if I need to.

I'm alone for over an hour.For the first time in (eeeeeep) over fourteen years, I have regularly-scheduled time to myself. I'm confused and overwhelmed by this wealth of privacy.

I've been spending it getting caught up online, because (1) I like that and (2) anything else takes more brain than I have in my current sleep-deprived state. (5:30 is an hour and fifteen minutes before I normally wake up. Jumping to that, just as the days get shorter, is rough. And I don't want to adjust my schedule to sleep notably earlier, because then I'll play hell trying to get back to my standard schedule later.)

Today I need to use my precious free time to clean the kitchen, sigh, because we had a busy weekend and it's trashed, and the weekly big shopping trip is on Monday & they need space to put stuff when the get back. But the rest of the week...

A whole hour and more. In an empty house. That I know about in advance.

Maybe I'll watch an episode a day, of the handful of shows people have given or loaned me copies of. I've got Torchwood, Merlin, Chuck, and BSG in places that are easy to find. I could, with some effort (i.e. "a phone call") get Buffy, Stargate:whatever, or Supernatural. Or a host of other shows. Any suggestions?

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On the topic of, "those aren't 'REAL' Christians," Melissa McEwan at Shakesville says: I already know that all Christians aren't like that—and everyone who said it to me knew I was well aware of that fact. But in the wake of large members of a certain segment of Christianity attacking me, most of the Christians I knew felt obliged first and foremost to distance themselves from the group that hurt me, and do it in a way that protected their idea of Christianity, that reasserted their privilege—a privilege that is shared by the very people who attacked me, solely by virtue of their calling themselves Christians.

And they expected me to be comforted by it.

Yeah. That. (She also points out that I don't get to say (nor do I want to) that the KKK aren't "real" white people.) Her post is widely quoted around the blogosphere (or the tiny portion of it that pays attention to religious bloggish discussion), and I heartily recommend it. Go read; she said what I wanted to say, only more eloquently than I could put together.

In the Not Getting It Department, Nancy, a minister at the Growing Up in Faith blog, writes: In this arena of power and privilege, I claim gray—it is not black and white. As a follower of Jesus, that is, as a Christian, I have been told by other "Christians" that I'll go to hell for being who I am...

Right. Because getting flak from other members of your privileged group makes you not-privileged. This is kinda like the geekboys claiming they don't really have male privilege because the jocks beat up on them in high school.

( More (older) links & ramblings inside )

I've decided to (try to?) play the Yuletide game this year.

My fandoms:
Commercials (I'm thinking either Freecreditreport.com or The Most Interesting Man In The World)
Elfquest
George R R Martin - Wild Cards series (This one's not been done before; I had to put in a character list)
Laurell K Hamilton - Anita Blake series
Lois McMaster Bujold - Vorkosigan series
Mystery Science Theater 3000 aka MST3K

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Nothing specific inspired this post.

Been thinking about this a lot, recently. (And not recently. Awareness of Christian privilege has been an important part of my life for over twenty years, although I only recently got a label for it.) I am not calm about this subject. Not patient, not mild, not nice. At best, silently resentful; more often, fiercely aggressive. Sometimes vicious. Like a small animal backed into a corner and poked at with sticks.

Anyway. Resources about this include Schlosser's article, Christian Privilege: Breaking a Sacred Taboo, a cluster of harder-to-find journal articles, and a handful of blog posts. Like About.com's page on Christian Privilege, and Secher Nbiw's post about it.

There's a list, created by Schlosser, loosely based on the White Privilege list. It's a good start. Some of it seems odd to me -- while, yes, Christians "can be fairly sure that if I ask to talk to the 'person in charge,' I will be facing a person of my religion," and that is a privileged situation, it's not often a relevant one, in the US. Unless the person in charge is an active religious bigot, or the person confronting the one in charge is wearing religion-mandated clothing that confuse the person in charge, it just doesn't affect most situations.

When you ask to talk to the manager if the cashier screws up your purchase, race and gender are noticed; religion generally is not. Like orientation, it's invisible in most situations. (At some point, I want to take some notes & make a post or two about visible vs invisible privileges.)

However, the list is lacking a few things.

• Christians are not often told they should raise their children with an awareness of the myths and practices of another religion.
• Christians are permitted to proselytize in public. To children, even.
• Christians are not accused of being evil, or bad for a community, regardless of the actions of other Christians.
• The practical applications of Christian beliefs are considered relevant and important--if they oppose abortion or vaccinations, or insist on skirts or refuse to shave, "because of their religion," those beliefs are respected. Not always allowed to mandate the situation, but always considered carefully. (Christian aversion to the death penalty is a matter of concern... Wiccan aversion to prison cells is not.)
• Christians are not often expected to attend secular or government business in other religions' holy buildings.

I have to struggle not to hate Christians as a matter of principle. Some days, I'm not sure why I bother... it's not like my religion has any strictures against hate. (Then I remember: can't hate Christians in general because of a handful of individual Christians. But it is a handful--four I can name off the top of my head, and a belief that there must be half a dozen more who aren't coming to mind--whom I think of as good people because, rather than in spite of, their Christianity.)

I want to write about how Christian privilege has affected my life, how I try to keep my kids aware of it, and how I can fight it. I can't write that post; I can't get past the fear and contempt and rage that swirl through me when I start to think about it. Rage at the oppression and torment of non-Christians; contempt for the people who profess love and respect for all but allow these atrocities; fear for myself and my family, if I'm too vocal or too active. Or unlucky enough to catch the wrong Christian's attention.

Christians often don't like to hear about this. Many of them want to believe that the privileges they receive for being Christian are some kind of proof that their religious path is the right one. Male privilege, they understand, is a matter of historical inequity, which technology and social awareness are attempting to fix... but religious privilege is a sign of divine favor. Obviously, the logic goes, if the gods of my religion were stronger, I'd be the one with the privileges.

I'd like to believe there's another reason that people who will fight racism and sexism and ableism and homo- and transphobia... shy away from the discussion when the topic is religion. I'm open to hearing it.

("Open to hearing" does not mean "please regale me with your defensive Christian apologetics." I don't need to hear how many wonderful heroes have been Christian, nor do I need a series of bible verses quoted at me.)

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10:30 pm is awfully damn late to start with the thump-thump-thump music. Even on a Friday night.

We'd go tell them to stop, but we're not sure which neighbors are involved. (We live in a warehouse complex.) We're not even sure it's anyone in the building--the way sound carries around here, it could be the unlicensed club up the block.

When I can think a bit better (my tolerance for thump-thump-thump has dropped considerably from where it was in my teen years), I'll post a timeline and such for the EQ readthrough at elfquest. My kid wants an account so she can join in. I'm scared.

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elfquest! elfquest elfquest yaaay squeeee!

Is all empty now, but I has hopes. Probably starting with a readthrough of the original series, which are all available for free viewing at the official site.

My first fandom, which I haven't shared with anyone since I was sixteen. I'm so looking forward to this.

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Listening to tunes on the iPod shuffle, realizing I don't have nearly enough music in my life.

I don't listen to music in the evenings; I'm usually online, and Rob is watching TV, and I can't listen to music loud enough to drown out the TV and don't want both. Can't listen to music at work; I don't get enough uninterrupted time for it. Don't listen on public transit because I'm usually reading, and while "read with music in the background" is often nice, I hear so little music that I wind up listening instead of reading, so I have to choose one or the other.

I listen on the way to the train, a whole seven-minute walk. Sometimes while waiting for the train. Sometimes during part of the transit, as well. I know my life's short on music when I start listening very very attentively to Journey.

I heard Heather Alexander's "Creature of the Wood," and pondered making a collection of "most erotic filkish songs," to include that and Tom Smith's "PQR" and... I dunno, but those two are strong enough to be the backbone of a collection. Kathy Mar's "Spoon." Talis Kimberly's "X Libris," if I can find it. I'm sure Cindy McQuillan had something that could melt panties. I mean, other than her vampire songs.

There are not enough baritone filkers. And especially not enough of them singing about seduction.

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I'm putting together a set of notes for writing_religion about Paganism. It's a very brief overview of the history of modern Neo-Paganism, a list of vocab terms and usage notes (less definitions than info about the kinds of controversy about the words), and a few lists of "searchable terms that should be researched before being used."

The current list of terms defined/described:
athame, book of shadows, circle, coven, eclectic, elements, energy, holidays, horned god, magick (with a "k"), Pagan/Paganism, path, Rede/Wiccan Rede, ritual, solitary, spell, The Goddess, threefold law, tools, magical or tools, ritual, tradition, training, triple moon goddess, wand, warlock, Wicca, witch

Also a couple of notes about capitalization (mainly, that it's erratic) and clerical titles.

I don't want more words for that list. If possible, I'd like to cut that list down. It's long enough that I'm worried people won't read it.

However, I'm collecting a *long* list of other terms, that I'm not going to define but just say "these are potentially relevant; find out what they mean before using them." And a couple of lists of trad names, and tools. I'd happily collect words for these lists.

( What I have so far )

Pagan friends: what am I missing?
Non-Pagan friends: what are you interested in, or surprised by? Or what have you heard of that isn't here?

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Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy. -- Spider Robinson

Did you know that Quizilla hosts fanfic? Fortunately, it's almost impossible to find anything there, which means that very few people are likely to read the story I got at random, from whence is derived this excerpt:

The reason they were canaries were because when you get married to another vampire wether your human or not you guys form a bond where you can both read each other's mind, expierence pleasure, and turn into a two animals.

Sharing the pain, folks. Sharing the pain.

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I'm going to try to use this month to refocus on religion. (Erm. Feri religion. I don't think my Discordianism needs any extra focus or attention.)

Goals:
Write "Iron Pentacle of Serenity" essay (that's Serenity, the spaceship, not the abstract noun).

Put together intro notes on Paganism for non-Pagans. Mainly so I don't have to re-explain at the start of every discussion that "path" is Pagan for "denomination."

Pick a group Samhain ritual to attend. Not necessarily public, but more than people who live in my home.

Re-green hair. I'm not as happy when my hair isn't green, and Eris finds interesting ways to nudge me.

Practice cackling. I'm 40 now; I should develop a proper witch's cackle.

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For the first time in over a decade, I get to consider serious religious activity for our high-holy holiday.

For the last ten years, there've been these two little people who insisted that the holy day was supposed to be for disguising themselves as monsters and raiding nearby towns for calorie-packed loot. This year, they're not so enthralled with that idea, and would like to consider attending some kind of group social event with entertainment instead.

So. I'm on the lookout for good haunted houses/Halloween parties, suitable for young adults, in the area. (I'm sure I only have approximately 34,324 to choose from.) And—hey!—looking at local Pagan events, which the kids are old enough to either attend, or be left home for.

Samhain on Saturday night. Heh.

How To Find Pagans In The SF Bay Area This Hallowe'en:
1) Enter public park.
2) Look for the people wearing robes and *not* carrying bags of candy.

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The Lambda Literary Foundation Awards have changed their criteria this year, requiring LGBT status of authors, as well as of characters. This has caused quite a set of comments in the blogosphere.

Since I'm playing Linkspam Roundup, and occasionally commenting, I figured I should put my own thoughts *somewhere.* (Maybe putting them here will keep me from cluttering up other people's journals with my commentary. Because I do Linkspam, I see a lot of journals I don't agree with, where I normally wouldn't comment. I'd like to avoid the itchy-fingers desire to jump in with my two cents where they're not welcome.)

1) They completely and totally have the legal, moral & ethical right to do this. LLF is an LGBT-promotion organization; certainly, an award only for LGBT authors is a reasonable effort of such an organization.

( Four more comments inside )

Eldest offspring is home from her first high school dance.

She failed to acquire a boyfriend. Rob & I are very relieved. Also, she arrived home voluntarily before 9:30 pm, yay.

Tomorrow, need to take her off to get new glasses; the old ones aren't really working for her anymore. Am told I cannot instruct her that she may not acquire new skills by adding new disads, and taking an additional -1 on vision at this stage is not permitted.

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Google is planning on renegotiating its book deal because, in addition to the hundreds of formal complaints filed, the DOJ says it probably violates anti-trust laws, and won't be allowed to go through.

Yay.

I like the idea of a settlement. I don't even really care if it runs around (or over) current copyright law, which is a giant squidly-armed tangle of DOOOOOM with mouse ears in the center. But I do care if it runs roughshod over the needs of academic authors, over the financial arrangements of comic book and music publishers, over the interests of fanzine authors of 30 years ago who don't want their books scanned & released to the general public, and so on.

Would LOVE to see all the out-of-print novels and textbooks between 1923 and ~1975 be scanned, and somehow available, especially if the rightsholders can't be identified. But the agreement did a lot more than that.

Glad it's getting a rewrite that'll consider all the new feedback.

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You know about the big Googlebooks settlement, right? Google's scanned approximately 1.3 zillion books, intends to scan approximately 23.7 zillion more, and got sued by some publishers for copyright infringement.

They settled. The settlement, available online at The Public Index, is long and complex. So there are six jillion responses, each focusing on an aspect or two, because no one person or group can focus on more than that.

( ALL YOUR BOOKS ARE BELONG TO US )

My Erisian sensibilities believe that Google is pulling the greatest jake since The War On Drugs. My legalistic tendencies (which I'm aware are mostly derived from D&D rulesmongering) are a bit horrified at the scope of the settlement.

I don't urge anyone to pick a side--but get informed. Because this DOES impact you. If Google's settlement goes through, it will change the shape of copyright protections around the world.

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